Shame
Shame can be very quiet. It often sits underneath everything else.
You might notice anxiety, depression, or a sense of emotional overwhelm, but underneath there can be a deeper feeling — that something about you isn’t quite right. This can show up as low self-worth, feeling stuck, or a tendency towards rumination and regret.
I often meet women who are thoughtful and capable, yet carry a private sense of being flawed. This isn’t something they talk about easily. It can feel too exposing, or too hard to put into words.
Where shame comes from
While fear is often recognised as a trauma response, shame is less visible. But it’s one of the most powerful parts of complex trauma and CPTSD, especially when it’s rooted in childhood wounds or attachment issues.
Shame is not about what you did. I think it’s about what happened to you — and the meaning your mind made at the time.
When something overwhelming happens, particularly in childhood or within important relationships, the mind often turns inward. Instead of “that shouldn’t have happened,” it becomes “there must be something wrong with me.”.
Over time, this can shape how you see yourself, your place in relationships, and what you believe you deserve. It can sit underneath patterns in unhealthy relationships, difficulties with boundaries, or harmful coping mechanisms that helped you manage at the time.
Why it can feel so hard to shift
Shame often develops when there wasn’t enough support, understanding, or safety. Especially if your experiences were dismissed, minimised, or not believed.
Because of this, shame isn’t just a thought you can reason with. It can live in the body and the nervous system, showing up as withdrawal, overthinking, or a sense of wanting to hide.
This is why talk therapy on its own doesn’t always feel like enough.
How I work with shame
As a counsellor and psychotherapist, I take a gentle, person centred therapy approach. We go at your pace. There’s no pressure to share anything before you’re ready.
Alongside talking, I integrate somatic therapy, body-based therapy, and nervous system regulation, so we’re not only understanding your experience, but helping your system feel safer.
I also draw on Lifespan Integration to support healing from earlier experiences without reliving them, and ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) to help you step out of cycles of rumination and move towards a life that feels more like your own.
Therapy with me
I offer online sessions and in-person therapy in East London. As a therapist, I work in a calm, collaborative way. I will meet you with warmth and curiosity, not judgement.
Over time, shame can begin to loosen. In its place, there can be a growing sense of steadiness, self-understanding, and the possibility of more fulfilling relationships.